Manly
by lovinglife27
Summary: Quick one-shot for Mortal Instruments- what exactly makes Jace so manly? Rated T for mild language. R&R!


"**I am a man," Jace said. "And men do not consume pink beverages."**

**That is my all time favorite line from all books ever besides the one Simon said in City of Bones: "Get the hell off of me you pretentious asshole." So, I played around with it, and created this. The idea came to me a dinner at 'McDonalds' of all places, when I was daydreaming about Jace and all his gloriousness. No true POV, it's kinda… unique. Read to figure that out. Takes place sometime during or after COA, but before COG. ****J****Laughs are accepted at any point.****J**** Minor spoilers for City of Ashes, but you should be okay. Erm, first Fanfiction submitted, so review?**

**Disclaimer: damn it, I hate these things. I own nothing, all characters belong to Cassandra Clare, blah blah blah. **

_**Song Choice:**_

_**Kevin Rudolf Ft. Lil Wayne- Let it Rock**_

Jace Wayland is a man.

And because of this crucial factor, there are many things he can and cannot do. "More advantages then disadvantages," he always says to those who ask, but is being a man all it's thought to be?

For one, men cannot be ashamed to show their naked upper-half.

Clary Fray happens to be an expert on this, and no matter how hard she persists, it always comes back to the fact that Jace likes to strut around the Institute with no shirt. At least, this is how it seems to her, as every time she happens across him with a shirt on, he always manages to find a reason to take it off. This, Clary declares often, is unacceptable. He is her brother, and there is no reason to tempt her into inappropriate actions in which her greed could take the better of her, resulting in embarrassment and disgust from others, and maybe perhaps herself.

Another thing men must be able to do is be "snarky" to their siblings.

Jace Wayland is a "snarky" guy, according to Isabelle Lightwood, and she couldn't care less about his sexy body. She says that Jace is like a brother to her, but unfortunately, doesn't seem to treat her like he does Clary. According to her, Jace likes to comment on her cooking in negative ways, often refusing to eat until she dumps the remains of hard labor into the trash can and orders fast food. Perhaps it could be a phase, she thinks. Or, it could simply be Jace, which is the logical explanation. Isabelle also knows that Jace is, to other girls, addictive. It is not her fault that she would be protective of him, often receiving a jab in her self-righteousness in return from keeping him from demonic death. The result- Jace is "snarky".

Men do not consume pink beverages.

Simon, according to Jocelyn Fray, bares a great resemblance to Jesus, but it seems to have no effect on half-naked, snarky Jace. Simon knows that Jace considers himself to be a man, but he refuses to drink anything pink. Before Simon became a vampire, pink lemonade happened to be one of his favorites. In fact, even now that he eats/drinks mostly blood, Jace tells him he can never be a man because red is the base of the color pink. This is of great concern to Simon, as if Jace became injured by an out of control… _vampire_, the antidote could be a fuchsia liquid that he has to drink in order to survive. If he is a man, he wouldn't be able to consume this, and would die a painful death. Simon knows that to be man, you must bend a little. But this is something Jace is firm on, and could result in a death like no other.

Brown is a manly color.

Alec Lightwood is familiar with the manly urge to be snarky with siblings as he is one of Jace's adoptive ones. He is also perfectly alright with Jace being half-naked. He knows that to be man, you cannot drink pink. But Alec happens to know that if you are a real man, everything you do is based on brown. Brown is the color of trees that men hike in. Brown is the color of mud on four-wheelers that men drive. Brown is the color that men wear to impress the ladies. Brown is the color of caffeinated soda that men drink. And brown is the color of hot coffee that men take in the mornings to stay _alive._ True, Alec would never consider himself a man, due to the sequined tops that he enjoys wearing, but he does know some things.

Also, men have to have some type of bad word as a nickname.

Mia the werewolf knows this. She does not care about Jace's six-pack that he goes around showing. She does not involve herself in conversations about him being snarky to his siblings. She couldn't care less about his unwillingness to drink pink or his urges to do everything with the color brown. She only notice's that she and others have a tendency to refer to him as "that pretentious asshole" in regular conversations and know exactly who they're talking about. She does not think that being called bad names make you a man. She thinks it makes you a jerk. But Jace Wayland and other _real_ men know better.

It is not allowed for a man to bear a resemblance to Olivia Newton John.

Magnus Bane does not care about being a man. He's a warlock, after all. The HIGH Warlock, come to think of it. He doesn't care about Jace's chest: he already has a boyfriend. Snarky-ness is okay with him. He loves both pink and brown drinks. He loves to refer to Jace as a pretentious asshole. But Jace does not want to look like hit-singer Olivia Newton John, and Magnus does not understand why. There are worse things then this, he often tells himself. What with the sparkly vests, the skinny jeans, just how bad is looking like a pop star? Magnus himself knows that real men cannot look like Olivia Newton John, and he pities them.

Men do not cry.

Jace Wayland himself loves being a man. After all, it's better them being a wimp. He doesn't mind walking without his shirt. He loves picking on his siblings. Pink beverages make him shudder, and the color brown draws him in. He doesn't care about being called a pretentious asshole, and he doesn't mind it when Magnus picks on him for not wanting glitter in his hair. But the most important rule: real men don't cry. After all, Jace has had a harsh life, and ever since a particular incident, when Jace himself cried his last tear, he has never cried again. Tears are for those weaker ones, he often thinks when Isabelle bursts into tears when her make-up smears. The wimps. And men, Jace knows, are NOT wimps. They are not even to be referred to as wimps. Real men like Jace know this.

The only problem is that no one but Jace follows these rules. The result: Jace is indeed the only real man alive. Snarky, half-naked, pink-hating, brown-loving, asshole-named, glitter-denying, un-crying Jace Wayland. And Jace is alright with this, as it proves that he is the toughest man out there.

According to his rules, the ONLY man.

**Well??? I really like this one, personally! My buddy KatyKatniss got a kick out of this! Flames accepted, but with constructiveness pleaze! Just a little OOC, maybe?**


End file.
